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Archives - I Need a shoulder to cry on!!!

michelle_zoellner - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:07 PM
Post subject: I Need a shoulder to cry on!!!

I think I'm seriously ready to lose my mind!!!!

I'm sick of school! I'm sick of work! I'm sick of being...me!

I have been in college for four years now, and I still have two more years to go because I changed majors last year. I am now an Economics major, and I HATE IT!!!

I was in music for the last three years (actually, I've been in music my whole life), and I decided that I wasn't happy and changed it! I should have just quit school b/c now, I'm barely hanging on academically, I have no motivation for doing well, so I find myself submerging myself in my work (I work full-time at wal-mart), and the rest of the time, I'm completely alone. I live by myself, I'm 321 miles from my family, I don't talk to my friends. I keep completely to myself. The only thing that makes me happy is watching Star Trek or anything else Shatner-related.

I don't know what's wrong with me! I try to get the energy to do the things I need to do, but I find myself hiding from everything.

My family has a history of mental depression. In fact, I have been suffering from it my whole life. But I fear it's becoming worse. I've been completely anti-social, I don't sleep well, and when I do fall asleep, I oversleep and miss my classes!

I miss my family terribly; I haven't seen them since July and it's killing me. I won't see them until late December. I'm so homesick. I've cried myself to sleep practically every night for the last two weeks. I'm scared to leave my apartment b/c I'm afraid of what the day's going to throw at me.

At this point, all I want to do is quit college and move back home...but I can't do that, I already owe the University a lot of money.

I need to vent to someone...I don't have anyone else to vent to...Someone out there give me a hug and tell me that I'm going to be all right! At the rate I'm going now, I honestly don't know if I will be.

Help me!
Michelle Z

littlestar - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:16 PM
Post subject:

You my dear are suffering the classic signs of Depression. Check with the school clinic about getting a script for mood elevators, but make sure they monitor your reactions. If you want to go a natural route...try Vit B. compounds, Folic Acid, Valerian ....And maybe it is advisable to take a semester OFF.....Life bites us in the butt, quite often...but if you take a moment to look for it....there is BEAUTY out there that can warm the coldest Heart....Have Peace and let us know what is happening.

DOC - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:24 PM
Post subject:

HANG IN THERE!!! Your Degree is IMPORTANT.

One tea spoon of 'backing soda' to an 8 oz of water does wonders; It balances your ph and the out come Very Happy

Doc

Spudgun - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:33 PM
Post subject:

michelle, call me, I will be here for you, I told you that,I know what its like to be on your own,just call the number I gave you.... Laughing

michelle_zoellner - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:41 PM
Post subject:

Spudgun wrote:

michelle, call me, I will be here for you, I told you that,I know what its like to be on your own,just call the number I gave you.... Laughing

As much as I would love to call that number...I'm afraid I cannot...I have no long distance service. I do appreciate the kind gesture, however.

thank you guys for being here for me. I've been down before, but I think the fact that I've been away from my family so long is making it worse this time. I always seem to bounce back.

And LittleStar, I appreciate your advice, however, the counselors here on Campus have never been able to help me, they only seem to piss me off. And getting me to take pills is like trying to get a five year old to go to bed the night before christmas...sometimes it's near impossible! I've always been opposed to anti-depressants personally...my mother's been on them for a long time and I just don't like the idea of a pill controlling my behavior. however, if things keep going the way they're going, I may seriously start to change my view. Thanks for your imput.

Michelle

joains - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:43 PM
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Here is one great big hug.......HUG

You have got to get out girlfriend......university can be one great social party........you gotta shake what the good lord gave you one night without that Blue Vest...well the vest would work with high heels and a short skirt and a low cut....nevermind....but wal-mart may not be too happy....send me a e-mail and I will share more of the goddess wisdom that is not for male ears..... Very Happy

Now if I managed to bring you a small smile .....please.. you need someone you trust to talk to and please do that today and I do care about you, we all do.

Anonymous - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:47 PM
Post subject:

Michelle,
A couple of thoughts, hope they help
1. what's happening to you now will pass, this time next year you might be in a completely different position, keep your eyes and your soul open to change
2. talk to your parents...as a parent myself, if i thought one of my kids was far away and couldn't tell me about their problems, I would be mortified
3. Try and kick the Star Trek habit...I know this sounds hypocritical, but if you're feeling low, watching beautiful people doing something they love doing is not always helpful..plus it keeps you from going out and meeting other people who might be feeling exactly what you're feeling
love and friendship
sue

Spudgun - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:54 PM
Post subject:

[quote="michelle_zoellner"]

Spudgun wrote:

michelle, call me, I will be here for you, I told you that,I know what its like to be on your own,just call the number I gave you.... Laughing

As much as I would love to call that number...I'm afraid I cannot...I have no long distance service. I do appreciate the kind gesture, however.

then PM me yours and I will call you....you said you like english accent..... Wink

littlestar - Nov 12, 2002 - 07:57 PM
Post subject:

Michelle- I understand, I was just thinking from the standpoint of depression being genetic and a physical deficency of certain brain compounds....that's why I suggested the natural route too. You'd be surprised at how much Folic Acid can lift the mood....they give it to pregnant women, not just for the health of the fetus, but also for post-partum depression....It's just a vitamin....we all, women, need it....Like Sue said...get away from the computer and go outside and just look at the sky, trees, birds, people...and breathe deep.....YOU ARE ALIVE...Intelligent...with a Wonderful Life ahead of You...all for you to Enjoy....

CaptJTK - Nov 12, 2002 - 08:03 PM
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I agree 100% with littlestar. Check out the clinic on campus and find someone to help. Also talk to your college advisors. That's what they are there for.
You'd be surprized how many young people, away from home for the first time, go through exactly what you are going through. Many overeat, drink excessivly, do drugs, etc, anything to hide from it. You seem to be overworking yourself. Maybe taking a semester off to re-coup isn't a bad idea.
Remember, life is always going to throw unexpected things at you. How you deal with them will shape your life. Hiding in you apartment from your problems also prevents you from seeing the beauty that is out there.
We're always here for you. Here's a hug:

CaptJTK

judy - Nov 12, 2002 - 08:25 PM
Post subject: Michelle

Michelle, I know from raising my own kids that being at school and away from your family can be very lonely and depressing at times. Taking a semester off and going home may be just what you need. If you can't call home then write! Your family is there to help and they want nothing more than your happiness, as do we all.

We all love to watch Star Trek (that's why so many of us found this site), BUT, if you can get out of your room and even just take a walk around the block or do an errand you'll feel better. It's hard to force yourself when your depressed, but give it a try.

Keep telling us how it's going. We're here for you.

P.S. Valarian Root is great for sleep. Make sure to buy a good brand like Gaia Herbs, which is standardized.

Anonymous - Nov 13, 2002 - 04:11 AM
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Hi Michelle. I came in late on this thread and for that I am sorry. I think some really good advice has been offered here. This BBS is very different because in the main we are very supportive of one another especially in times of hardship. I certainly wish you well and here is that hug you need <HUG> but I have to point out as a friend that though we here certainly support you there are limits to how we can help you. To a certain extent visiting here is an extension of the escapist behavior you have been exhibiting and you need to snap out of it. I certainly want to see you stay here as a poster but it is time to take care of Michelle.

I urge you to do some things for your own well-being, foremost among them being find a real live human you can trust to talk to who has some horse sense. You need to reopen the lines of communication with your family immediately as you have zero emotional support right now and you really need some. You need to not make any major decisions such as quitting school, changing majors, taking a semester off etc. until you have attained some modicum of balance and I think that is best done by reconnecting with the real world. If you absolutely can't find a real live human to speak with then please feel free to PM me-I will help any way I can and I will tell you the truth as I see it without alloying it with a bunch of sugar and pollyanna-isms. If you don't feel comfortable with me then pick someone else who has posted to your thread and PM them. I think you will be glad you did. Good luck. You're going to be OK.

Anonymous - Nov 13, 2002 - 04:28 AM
Post subject:

go to your doc and get on some antidepressants. i take prozac. without my meds i would really be dead. accupunture helps too.

if you nee to talk my shoulders are always here for you.

SuzeQ

Aunt_Margie - Nov 13, 2002 - 04:32 AM
Post subject: Re: I Need a shoulder to cry on!!!

michelle_zoellner wrote:

Michelle, you have a lot to contend with now. First things first. It is hard to do anything well or to think rationally in a state of depression, whether it be a clinical or reactive depression. Whether you decide to try an antidepressant, even for just a short while, or not, you need to find someone - even just one person - whom you can confide in. This BBS may be a start. Talking does wonders in many ways. Freud called it "the talking cure."

Secondly, there are antidepressants on the market that are not addictive and can be used for a short while. Sometimes they are used just to get someone over a hump - like getting a record player needle over a skip. I'm not saying you should definately consider medication, but also realize that if you decide to try an antidepressant, you don't necessarily have to make a lifetime commitment to it. If you don't like the way the medication makes you feel, stop taking it.

I understand how it feels not to know what you want to be when you grow up. I am 40 and am still trying to figure it out. I changed my major about 5 times and, similar to you, finally took an extra year of college to take up a dual major. And guess what, I earned a masters degree after that and then decided to switch again and go into a different field. The point I am trying to make is: don't panic if you have changed your mind a lot and haven't figured it all out yet. It doesn't mean you are failing. You are going to be growing and changing many times over in life. Nothing ever stays the same. The idea is to learn from your experiences. Slow down, relax, and try to learn from what you are going through. What is this time in your life trying to teach you about yourself?

I also understand what it is like to be in college far away from home. You may decide to stick it out where you are, but you may also want to consider transfering after December and attending a college or university that is closer to your family. I did that as well. I was 800 miles away from home and did exactly that in my Junior year. I hated where I was, hated my classes, but decided to complete the semester, do as well as I could through December, and then move back home. I applied fast to a new college during the Christmas break and got in. I just wasn't comfortable where I was and knew I had made the right decision to go back home. I don't know if that would be the right decision for you, but here again, my point is is that if you decide to go home, it doesn't mean you have failed because you "didn't stick it out." I don't know if that is what you are worried about - failure - but I think there is always an element of that in depression. You may even decide not to go back to school for a while. You may decide to only work for a while. That may be worth considering. But, it's OK not to know exactly what to do. No one ever know exactly what to do. If they did, they would be perfect. And no one is perfect. Don't be affraid to make a decision and try it out. You may make some mistakes, but that's how we learn. I don't know if I have been of any help to you, but feel free to pm me if you would like to talk.

Paul - Nov 13, 2002 - 04:45 AM
Post subject:

Michelle,

Trust me this isn't something to get that upset over. Many college students don't have a clue what they want to study and having to spend an extra year or two in college will give you a chance to explore other classes in other disciplines that you may not have had a chance to explore during a 4 year track.

Many schools over services where you can talk to someone about this. I'm sure you'll find that you are absolutely not alone in this. Also talk it over with your advisor. You may be able to get into a more General Business concentration without any more additional time (Economics is a strong discipline for many business courses so they classes you have taken WILL help you.)

And always feel free to vent here. I think you just need someone at school to give you a different perspective on where you are at - it looks imposing but my guess is that once you see it through a different frame it won't look as bad as you currently think.

-Paul

michelle_zoellner - Nov 13, 2002 - 06:09 AM
Post subject:

thank you everyone for your wonderful posts...I feel a little better knowing you all care.

This drives me crazy...every year it seems like my life is about to fall apart, then the year goes away and I laugh at how serious I was about my problems..then it starts up again. My emotions are like one big roller coaster. I'm seriously wondering if I have, what is it called...bi polar personality. I'm sure I'm not manic depressive. I'm able to conceal most of it when I'm around others. I'm not over the wall or anything, but inside, I feel like screaming at times.

Most of my problems is that I'm so tired of school that I find myself finding every excuse in the book not to go to class, and as a consequence, I'm overworked with projects to be completed. I don't do this intentionally, I think it's a subconscious thing, like when I wake up in the morning, I don't even remember hitting the alarm, but next thing I know, it's almost noon and I've missed my classes...I really don't mean to do it, it just happens. My sleeping problems stem from both insomnia and the fact that I work until 11pm, and it takes me hours to wind down. That's why I'm in here now...otherwise I'd just be laying in bed, staring at the ceiling for four hours.

Everything thing that's going wrong right now is completely my fault, and that makes it even worse. I'm very vunerable to guilt swings. I feel guilty about every little thing I do wrong, and it builds up! I even feel guilty when other people get into trouble. I have so much remorse pent up, it makes things worse. I've always been like that. I'm too hard on myself, yet I feel like I'm not hard enough. Then it gets to be too much and I lock myself away from everything and everyone.

As far as the Star Trek thing is concerned...I do spend more time on that then I do my other hobbies, but I am able to pull myself away from it to get the essential things done. I don't consider myself "Obsessed", but I have found that, since getting interested in it, most other shows just don't look that appealing anymore. I actually think that's quite funny, considering how cheesy some of the episodes are! Smile

Again, thank you all for your kind words...I do talk with my parents about things like this...but I need to see them, hold them, cry on their shoulders.

You guys are the best!

Michelle Zoellner

littlestar - Nov 13, 2002 - 06:19 AM
Post subject:

I'm seriously wondering if I have, what is it called...bi polar personality. I'm sure I'm not manic depressive. I'm able to conceal most of it when I'm around others. I'm not over the wall or anything, but inside, I feel like screaming at times.

Um, Michelle....Please read this-

What is BiPolar Disorder?

(Manic Depression)

What is Manic Depression?

Manic depression involves wide mood alterations, with periods of both depression and mania. A person experiencing depression or mania may have intense mood swings and consequent changes in thinking and behaviour. The term that is professionally used for this illness is Bipolar Affective Disorder. Bipolar means sharing two poles (high and low) and Affective Disorder means a disorder having to do with mood.

What Causes Manic Depression and Who Are The People At Risk?

The cause is not known. Any person can develop manic depression, however, studies indicate that highly creative, sensitive people, people tending to be perfectionists and high achievers, have a higher incidence of bipolar affective disorder. Although biological factors seem to play a major role in producing the illness, a person's personality make up and or stresses in the environment may also play a part in bringing on an acute episode.

How Many People Are Affected and What Are The Symptoms?

It is estimated that 1% of the population will have a manic depressive illness. Environmental factors such as death, separation and divorce may trigger the disorder. The illness manifests itself with the individual experiencing episodes of mania or elation followed by low mood or depression. The number of manic and depressive episodes varies greatly from person to person and most individuals experience "normal" periods between their manic and depressive episodes.

Manic depression can send a person plunging from a high state, where one may believe one has superhuman energy and abilities, into a pit of despair, where it may seem as if the only way out is suicide. In fact, however, there are very effective treatments available. The symptoms of depression and mania are described separately:

Depressive state:
The chief symptom is a sad, despairing mood, which may be
accompanied by some or all of the following, depending on
the severity of the illness:

-lack of energy
-sleep problems where a person may sleep too much or too little
-loss of interest in work, family and friends
-change in eating habits
-preoccupation with failures and inadequacies
-loss of self-esteem
-feelings of guilt
-excessive concern about physical complaints
-decreased sexual drive
-crying easily, suicidal and occasional homicidal thoughts

Manic State: A person feels total "euphoria" and strength.
However, in the early stages of the illness, the person may appear
to be more sociable, active, talkative, self-confident, perceptive,
and creative than usual. As his/her mood elevates, he or she may
experience some or all of the following:

-increased stength and energy, decreased sleep
-extreme irritability
-rapid, unpredictable emotional changes
-racing thoughts, flight of ideas
-increased interest in activities, overspending
-grandiosity, inflated self-esteem
-increased sexual drive
-poor judgment

What Are The Treatments?

There is no real cure for manic depression at present, but through the use of monitored medication programs it is possible to smooth out and reduce the frequency of the highs and the lows, and in some cases episodes may be altogether prevented. Some factors that determine the type of treatment care the nature of the symptoms and also the number of previous episodes, severity and duration of the illness and previous response to treatments. Counselling and therapy can be helpful. Self help support groups can be very beneficial. Whatever the recommended treatment, it is important to be informed. If you are not certain about treatment, ask questions.

Where Can I Go For Help?

Remember you are not alone. Reaching out for help and knowing where to go for positive support can help to make a person recover from their negative state of crisis. You may want to contact your family doctor,

Source for this information was a CMHA Fact Sheet
Professional Clincian's Thesaurus 3 Definition of Bipolar Disorder

michelle_zoellner - Nov 13, 2002 - 06:29 AM
Post subject:

Well, if that's the case, then it's safe to say that I'm definately suffering from severe depression...which I think I've known for a while. My mother and I share many characteristics and, unfortunately, depression is one of them. My mother tried to commit suicide twice during my freshman year of highschool (that was the worst year of my life). I've never tried...but I've come very close. I remember a time (and this is going to sound silly b/c I know this stuff wouldn't have actually killed me) when I was sitting at home, alone (this was last year actually), and I was getting ready to take a tylenol PM. Well, when I tried to get one out, the entire bottle full fell into my hand. I actually considered just taking all of them. Knowing it wouldn't do much to me, I just put them back, but I was so scared knowing that I had that small hesitation.

Anyway, as far as manic depression goes...I show some of the symptoms, but I don't think it's as severe as manic depression...I believe there is an inbetween...but I don't recall the name.

Thank you for the information, LIttleStar. It's appreciated.

MIchelle

Anonymous - Nov 13, 2002 - 06:41 AM
Post subject:

Michelle, please get some professional help...if you'd broken your leg, you wouldn't hesitate, would you?
Sometimes, we're just in situations that we can't cope with on our own..when my mother was dying of bone cancer, I took Prozac and it certainly helped me get on with the rest of my life. I must admit, I still take it on and off, and it still helps.
BTW, not having a degree is not the end of the world. My sister-in-law hated her first college course, came home, got a job, worked at that for 4 years, then went back to university.
There are solutions to most things, you know.
Please talk to your parents,
love sue

Star_Base_CGI - Nov 13, 2002 - 03:47 PM
Post subject:

Paul wrote:

I think the world needs art. You might get an art degree and be able to do anything. Economics is mostly a bullshit field. The great Shatner has a performing art degree and I have a comercial art degree.

So you switch your major back to music and your done in less than a year. Get a job working somethint you hate or maybe a job in a band.

You also need some friends but maybe we can help you with that!

Beerwench - Nov 13, 2002 - 04:07 PM
Post subject:

DOC wrote:

One tea spoon of 'backing soda' to an 8 oz of water does wonders; It balances your ph and the out come Very Happy

Doc

Are you serious?