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William Shatner Main Discussion - Sunday joke thread...
BWW - Mar 31, 2008 - 01:54 AM
Post subject: Sunday joke thread...
Paddy is walking home one night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty quid and I'm yours," she whispers.

He's never been with a prostitute before but he thinks to himself, "why not?" so they disappear into the bushes. They've been at it for a few minutes when a light flashes on them they look up and see a police officer.

"What's going on here then?" asks the officer.

"Er, I'm just making love to my wife officer," Paddy answers quickly.

"Oh I'm sorry," says the cop "I didn't know."

"Well," says Paddy, "until you shined that flashlight on her face, neither did I."

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?


We call our grandad "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

One day, a little old lady decides she's had enough and wants to commit suicide.
She decides the best way for it is a gunshot straight through the heart.
Just to make sure she gets it spot-on she rings her doctor to find out where her heart is. The doctor informs her that the heart is just below her left breast.
The next day the little old lady was found in her house with a gunshot wound to the left knee.

Husband and wife.....

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
BWW - Mar 31, 2008 - 03:03 AM
Post subject:
I laid her on the grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I undid her suspender belt
And her leg fell in the river.

A short poem by Paul McCartney
littlestar - Mar 31, 2008 - 04:45 AM
Post subject:
The Marriage one is GREAT...

Of course it HAS to run a close second to your Signature....





Image
Can you see any hair?
BWW - Mar 31, 2008 - 03:14 PM
Post subject:
littlestar wrote:
The Marriage one is GREAT...

Of course it HAS to run a close second to your Signature....

Image
Can you see any hair?


No Laughing

Image
BWW - Mar 31, 2008 - 03:44 PM
Post subject:
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we're not having any of that shit in Texas"
BWW - Apr 01, 2008 - 08:00 PM
Post subject:
Image












Bloke goes to the doctor.

Doc: Good morning Mr. Jones. How's it going?
Mr. Jones: Not bad
Doc: Mr. Jones you are going to have to stop masturbating
Mr. Jones: Why?
Doc: So I can examine you
britstarfan - Apr 01, 2008 - 08:06 PM
Post subject:
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son asks
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming here for Passover and paying their own airfares."
-------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.""Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?""Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
angel - Apr 01, 2008 - 09:57 PM
Post subject:
britstarfan wrote:
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son asks
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming here for Passover and paying their own airfares."
-------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.""Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?""Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."

Truer words were never spoken Sad Laughing Cool
angel - Apr 01, 2008 - 09:57 PM
Post subject:
BWW wrote:
Image












Bloke goes to the doctor.

Doc: Good morning Mr. Jones. How's it going?
Mr. Jones: Not bad
Doc: Mr. Jones you are going to have to stop masturbating
Mr. Jones: Why?
Doc: So I can examine you

Sounds like a personal problem. Yick!
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